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You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. I had already fallen in love with their father, so what would I do if they didn’t like me? “He’s a director,” I told my friend L., absently fiddling with the lighter in my hand. Because my own parents are divorced, I know what it’s like when Dad has a girlfriend.

Wait for them to come to you.”The advice came from my dear friend Jennifer, who has a stepfamily of her own and understands that it takes time and patience to blend and bond. Months later, in a quiet moment, I told the girls as much, and let them know it’s OK to have any range of feelings about all this.

You need someone who understands all the love, time, and dedication you put into your child.

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Answer this New York Times questionnaire that might make you fall in love. Take a free class at your library or community center in something neither of you are good at.

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